Gratitude

I've been a bit weepy lately.  Here is why...

That first day, when we saw Jordan's face, and knew he was our son, we were told that international adoption was about $20,000.  We knew we weren't in a place to pay 20K for an adoption, but felt the reassurance that if we committed to bring Jordan home, God would provide a way.  I assumed that "the way" was to be able to sell our rental home.  But we decided to apply for as many grants as we could, and look for ways to bring in extra income while we worked to sell the home.  Since then, we've come to find out that the adoption will likely cost $30,000.  With our shortage seemingly getting larger, and the time to have it in hand is getting closer, it's becoming harder and harder not to stress over it.   On top of that, our tenants just had a baby and we agreed to let them have a month off of showing the home while they settle into life with a new little one.  So the hope of selling the rental is being put off for a month.

As stress and worry creep in, I remind myself of the peace and reassurance that I was given that God would provide a way.  We're just having to rethink how we will be provided for.  Ryan and I HATE to ask for things.  Really.  It's painful for us.  Not fun.  At all.  We knew the Lord would provide for us, but we wanted it to be through our own efforts.... selling our rental, extra jobs, cutting back on expenses, filling out grant applications.  My incredible friends kept saying that they wanted to help put together a fundraiser, but the idea of asking for other people to donate is very uncomfortable, even the time my friends would put in to organizing a fundraiser seemed like too much to ask for.  But as time passed, and our rental home still hadn't sold, we realized that we were going to have to do some sort of fundraising, or we wouldn't have the money needed to bring Jordan home.  So I started putting a 5K together on my own.  With a little guidance, I was able to do a lot of the early planning and details by myself.  I wanted to have everything in place so we could just ask for a few volunteers to show up on race day, and otherwise, not put anyone out.

But my friends, (have I said that they are the best?) they kept hounding me to let them help.  They called a meeting to organize and delegate responsibilities, they are giving freely of their time and resources and are continually working to make sure our fundraiser is successful as possible.  Far more successful than if we had continued on our own.  Though humbling, knowing that we aren't in this alone is a big, ginormous, huge-mongous relief.  A bigger relief than I expected... and when I think of it, I get emotional.  Oh, and our family?  Also the best.  They have been overwhelmingly supportive throughout our entire adoption process.  As word has spread, we've received some generous donations from friends and family who don't live close enough to participate in our "Jog for Jordan".  We even had a friend, that we've never actually met in person, send a check.  I'm awful at conveying the depth of my gratitude, but nearly every day I have a little gratitude cry... or three.  

Though it's been hard to accept so much help from others, I feel like maybe the reason our rental home hasn't sold as we had hoped, and we are having to accept the help of others in order to complete Jordan's adoption, is because it's been an amazing, faith promoting experience that we need to share with others.  Though we are fairly private people, it's not something to keep to ourselves.  Originally it felt like letting people help would just mean sharing the financial burden of adoption, but it's much more than that.  People are feeling the spirit of caring for those in need.  They are sharing in love and desire to do good for Jordan.  Hundreds of people have heard a little of Jordan's story and care enough to want to help.  And yep, that makes me cry tears of gratitude too.