Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Two More Days!

We leave to China in two days.  TWO.  I'm kind of freaking out.  I still have so much to do to get ready and I really should be sleeping, but my mind is having a hard time shutting down for the night.  People keep asking me if I'm excited to finally be going to get Hallie.  And I am.  I really am.  But I'm also nervous.  I gave that honest response to someone who asked me just yesterday and she questioned, "What are you nervous about?  You've done this before!"  This is true.  I have.  And it stretched me.  There is a part of me is not ready to be stretched again so soon.  The dust is still seemingly settling from bringing Jordan home.  We're just making great breakthroughs with his eating and his language has taken off, making communication so much easier.  Our medical appointments have slowed down and life is finding its way to our new normal.  The thing is, Jordan's transition, by adoption standards, went amazingly well.  I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for a more typical transition.

Hallie is 4 years old.  She is old enough to be truly terrified of Ryan and me and the fact that we are taking her away from everything she has ever known.  I can't imagine how scary it is going to be for her... how hard it is going to be to trust these strange, new adults, especially when many of the adults in her life have let her down.  She is coming from a hard place.  I haven't blogged as much about Hallie as I did with Jordan and part of that is because of an overall lack of time, but also, the bits of information we've received about Hallie are heartbreaking.  We know that she has been treated less than kindly and that has made me feel a little more protective of her and her story.  None of that makes me want her less, in fact it makes me want her more.  I just wish we could have had her home sooner.  Four years is a long time to live without a family.  To live in fear.  To live without feeling loved.  We already have a whole slew of doctors appointments set up for when we get home.  But I'm more worried about how we'll heal her emotional wounds.  I just hope and pray that she'll learn to trust us, to let us love her, and be her family. 

With that, here are our final updated pictures of Hallie:



And this is my favorite video of our cute girl threading beads like a pro.  There is such a sweetness about her and an eagerness to please.  My favorite part is near the end at about 2:30 the nanny asks her a question, that I assume is something like, "Who is this picture for?" and she quietly answers "Mama... Mama Hao"  (Mama... Mama is good).  I know, I know, it was just something her nannies prompted her to say, but her little shifty eye way of saying it makes me love her even more.  In spite of my nerves, I adore this little girl and I really can't wait to meet our Hallie!

video

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